


Incentive Of An Anorexic

by Fallenfae



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anorexia, Eating Disorders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26607610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenfae/pseuds/Fallenfae
Summary: A vent from 3 am I wrote.I've almost died during my eating disorder, and expirienced bloody vomit once or twice. It is not fun, but nevertheless it's taught me the strange love/hate relationship between Ana and I.
Kudos: 8





	Incentive Of An Anorexic

Incentive of an anorexic

I can't breathe. 

She is suffocating me.

Somehow, with paper-thin skin and bony, long fingers, her mouth covers mine perfectly regardless of size.

They're like spider legs.

They're _beautiful._

And when she pulls away to ever so gently drift through the air and stand before me, much taller than I am, and holy _fuck,_ a lot thinner as well - her hair softly cascading down her shoulders, her legs thin as twigs, a disorienting uncomforting and _delicious_ look - her sunken and shaped face, collar bones jutting out and slender fingers embracing my shoulders...her cool tones eyes were sharp...cold, harsh, unforgiving - and yet nonetheless she was so appetizingly motherly. Sweet.

I wanted to be taken by her. To sink into her void. To drown in her essence and become her. Or at least, a part of her hivemind. I wanted so badly, with every part of my being. And when she spoke, my mind went blank.

"You filthy, disgusting child." 

Her tone was soft. A lullaby. I craved it. I stood still. "I've trained you so desperately. I left for only a while and I come back to….to this." She gestured towards me, and for the first time since her slim fingers covered my mouth, I looked down.

I was almost nothing like her. Perhaps, if I was generous, I could convince myself I had her ribs. Her fingers, perhaps. But nothing was more utterly raw than seeing the stark difference. I crumbled internally. 

"Oh my dear. My child. You're revolting. You've been eating." She hummed soothingly, tracing her fingers along my chin and tilting my head up to look into her empty eyes. I stare, growing more so limp in her hold and beginning to tear up. _Please…._

Her finger snakes up my jaw and into my mouth, and I allow it. It feels like a bone in my mouth, and it pushes deeper until I gag by reflex and fall to my knees. She lets me.

I vomit.

_Badly._

I cough up the remains of everything I ate that day. Very little. But enough to disappoint her. My throat burned, but perhaps that was just the result of the cracking of my psyche and the hard release of my sobs down with my puke.

Eventually, it's just blood.

There's nothing left in me. And when she's pleased, she helps me to my feet. I cannot contain my sobs. I scream out in agony, a shriek of untapped, raw misery that struck me straight to my core. She nuzzled me, cooing in my ears that it was alright. She still loved me, even as a ghastly fucking freak.

I believe her.

I sink into her grasp and we sink to the floor. She holds me, and I grasp her as tightly as I can. 

"Shh, shh…" she quieted me. "You'll be pure soon enough."


End file.
